The Anxiety Monster In Us All
And how to shut that damn thing up...
Anxiety is a bitch.
I am not just saying this because worrying about things causes us to make all kinds of stupid mistakes, but also due to the fact that most of what we worry about never comes to pass. I have not checked this fact for myself or conducted any research, but I have heard it enough that surely it must be true right? A better way to say it is, anxiety makes us its bitch.
It sure makes a lot of sense when you think about it. I might have anxiety around the idea that one day someone will break into my house and steal whatever they can—money, people, precious items only my family cares about, and all else we hold dear. And yet so far I have lived for forty-five years with no indication that anyone anywhere is working hard to pull some Oceans Eleven move on my domicile. Still, I put a weapon in a safe where I can reach it relatively quickly, leave knives on high shelves, and plan loosely as if there is someone out there right now drawing up schemes to harm my family.
Sounds silly, especially as I read it back to myself as something I write down for others to read, and mostly these thoughts are just rooted in the falsehood of anxiety. But nobody wants to be caught with their pants around their ankles when the vikings raid the shores of your cul-de-sac.
Jesus speaks to anxiety a few times. One of my favorites is when he talks about how we worry about the future. It’s a good one so I’m going to add it all here. In Matthew six Jesus is quoted as saying:
“25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to your span of life? 28 And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ 32 For it is the gentiles who seek all these things, and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.34 So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”
“Stupid is as stupid does.”
Ok. Sounds good right. But our minds, or hearts, have a hard time letting go over anxiety about the future. I mean of all the things we worry about, the future has got to be number one right? Technically me worrying that someone will try to break into our house is also a future worry. And here is Jesus, saying, “Bro, just deal with today. God has got the future.”
Such a simple thought. Such a helpful thought. So what is it that continues to propel most of us into a lifestyle with a foundation of anxiety? I mean what the hell was going with all of these “shortages” that kept happening over the past few years. The world started going to shit because we were all worried we would have no fucking toilet paper! Yes, I make myself laugh. God forbid we have to figure out another way to wipe our asses for a while. But in the middle of it all, I will admit that we were a bit short of our toilet paper. So like every other asshole lined up at Sams, I had my one allotted plastic wrapped giant sized forty-five rolls of toilet paper that fluffy looking bears assured me was the best kind to buy.
After thinking about this concept for quite some time, I wonder that the propensity to worry about things is maybe not baked into our DNA. People say we are afraid of the dark because at one point in time this fear kept us alive. If this is true, it would make sense to consider that much of our anxiety could also stem from ancestors who learned to survive by harboring worries about certain things. Anxiety can be useful and helps us to prepare for eventualities that we otherwise might not be ready to meet. Please do not hear me saying what I am not. You should still contribute to your retirement fund no matter how you read Jesus’ words today.
But anxiety, in myself and many people I have met along the way, can also grow into something quite unhelpful. It can rob us of sleep, peace of mind, clear thinking, and sanity. It can also cause us to distort reality into a fear-driven arena filled with monsters that do not exist.
Part of what I really like about what Jesus says in the verses posted above is the perspective he brings to the conversation. “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.” Now we could argue all day long about what this means, but the main point seems to be shifting our focus from whatever is causing our anxiety to a deeper reality where we put our trust.
If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.
At this point I thought more helpful to move more into a discussion about beneficial ways to seek first the kingdom, as opposed to wasting more time theorizing what it might mean. The best way I know to discuss while talkign about anxiety is by using the example of the number one worrier I have ever met—well she used to be.1
My mother used to be be filled with chronic anxiety, as probably most parents tend to end up becoming if they are not prior to having children. I was not really aware of this as a child, which I think is a testament to her good parenting. But, whether her children knew of her worries or not, apparently she was spending a good deal of time filling her hours with anxiety. It was not until our family started attending a church in Memphis that everything changed for her. While most churches pride themselves on their pastors preaching sermons being expositional in nature, this particular church’s sermons were much more topical. One of the pastors at this church really seemed to focus on the topic of anxiety quite a bit, so my mother heard lots of sermons focused on this topic.
Through a process of hearing Biblical truths about anxiety over and over again, my mother, and most likely many like her, was able to start taking steps to living her life in a different way. This journey has given her a few ways to work the problem of anxiety.
The first thing she did, and the piece she thinks helped most, was she prayed to God about her anxiety. She asked that God would take away all of her anxiety and let things happen “as God planned for my life and my family.” I do not think this was a one time deal but something she prayed regularly until she felt it was no longer a problem. My mother feels God honored these requests and took the burden of anxiety from her.
There are a few verses about anxiety in the Bible. Two are mentioned in this post but there are a few others as well. My mother memorized a few of these key passages and committed them to her heart where she could ruminate on them from time to time. When anxiety knocks, she has some Scripture right there to deal with it. I like this a lot! It helps. This is what Jesus did when Satan tempted him. He recalled Scripture he had already memorized. How wonderful to tell that anxiety monster to go fuck right off!
I also think it helped a lot to have someone verbally giving her permission to understand that anxiety does not have to be in the driver seat of anyone’s life. A third avenue of assistance was simply making the choice to be in a space where she constantly received teaching that helped. Maybe for you this could also be a church, a synagogue, a podcast, other such resources, or even, dare I say it, a substack page similar to this one!
If your mother is not as badass as mine, look to Paul
I’ll end this post with one of my favorite passages on anxiety with a short comment or two. In Philippians 4:6-7 Paul says:
Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
The main reason I favor this passage is, like the one with Jesus earlier, is because of the shift in perspective from anxiety to thanksgiving. It is pretty tough to be anxious when you are focused on being thankful. It is also wonderful to know that when you are doing your best to kick your anxiety right in the ass, there is Paul showing us how to reach out for the peace of God. It surpasses all understanding and will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Personally I have had this passage committed to memory for years. It has been helpful on so many occassions that I cannot recommend it highly enough. Who does not want a peace that surpasses all understanding? Memorize these words and keep them close!
In other words, when my anxiety has driven me to become a hyper-vigilant version of Kevin McCallister in fear of the Wet Bandits breaking into my home at any second, I can calm the hell down and through prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let my requests be made known to God2. Our inner-Kevin McCallister does teach us that there are real life obstacles and villains for which preparation is good, but his best lesson comes from being able to move beyond anxiety that can drive us to hide under the bed, to action so we can defend our homes. In this case action is mostly prayer.
So when anxiety rears its head we can shout to it as Kevin does to the Wet Bandits, “Down here you big horse’s ass, come and get me before I call the police.”
My mother does not like this phrase by the way. If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother. In this case it is a positive way of using this phrase. My mother has been the best so I jokingly toss it out. She does not laugh.
The movie Home Alone is a classic of my childhood era. If you haven’t seen it I am not sure we can really communicate too clearly, but give it a watch. It’s filled with all sorts of great quotes. While I admit I never forsaw one of my posts ending with such an over the top Home Alone theme, I am nevertheless quite happy with it. It simply fits the bill.